Remembrance
by Neassa
Summary: Happy endings aren't handed out like candy at Christmas and no one knows that better than Rikku. But that's not going to hold her back, because some sweets are worth stealing. Aurikku.


**A/N:** This little gem is dedicated completely to pickamandy. Mandy's my Super Best Friend, though I was once upon a time a Sophomore in High School that mistakenly thought she was a Hufflepuff sort of person, and I miss the Slytherin terribly now that I'm away at college. This idea was already stewing in my head when I went to go take a shower, but when I got back, I found an email where she'd gone through one of my other fanfics, a good ninety pages, and commented throughout. I was laughing so hard and marveling at how lucky I was to have a friend who would do that at two in the morning, so I settled in and prepared myself for carpal tunnel because I was not going to bed until I finished this.

So, Mandy, this is for you. Thank you for being a Super Best Friend and putting up with my neuroses, from my insomnia to my inability to say 'I love you', whether I mean it or not.

Love ya, girl. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

Contrary to popular belief, as she was the ray of sunshine in everyone's lives, Rikku spent a good quantity of time alone. Good synthing skills didn't grow on trees and when she was customizing weapons or armor she went to a place deep inside. A place of concentration, quiet, and memories.

The first few times she customized something she thought of nothing but the process, but as time went on, even though it took plenty of skill to synth, it was something she soon became able to do in her sleep.

So she remembered.

First it was little things, remembering what Gippal had told her the first time she got her oil-stained hands on some raw materials, '_Pa lynavim, Rikku, E tuh'd fyhd du lmayh ib dra sacc ev oui pmuf ouin ryhtc uvv.'_ Not exactly profound, but neither was he.

Then it was the memory of the only time she'd seen her father cry, when he'd heard Yunie was learning to be a summoner.

For a long time after that, she remembered all she'd read, the few times she'd studied anything. She'd found a few dusty old tomes on the art of synthing and absorbed all the information she could and applied it to what she was doing because _Yunie was her cousin and family didn't let family go off to summon themselves dead, even if they'd never met each other._

For a little while after that, she remembered the weird blonde blitzer who'd showed up in the middle of some ruins and said some funny stuff about Zanarkand.

After that, it was all worry and trying to make the weapons and armor of the other guardians _better,_ even stupid Yevonite Wakka, because the longer they survived the more time they had to figure out a way to keep Yunie from going to Zanarkand.

And then it was tears and sweat and trying so fiercely _not _to remember but she did anyway, remembered all of the sand and the heat and the first time she'd tinkered with something she definitely shouldn't have touched and all the friends and family and fun times she'd had and that Home was just _gone_.

After that it was adrenaline and gunmetal in her mouth and making everything the best it could _possibly_ be because they'd killed Yunalesca dead and Sin was next on their hit list and they _had _to beat it, not just for Yunie, not just for the Al Bhed, but for _all _of Spira because Yunie had rubbed off on _all_ of them.

And then it was happiness and yet so much sad because they'd won, but Yunie, sweet Yunie who only wanted one thing in her whole life lost it and she…

And she got it back.

When she thought of what _she'd_ lost, the garment grid she was tinkering with snapped in half and then she was throwing things and screaming and crying because it wasn't _fair_ and how come it was just _their_ story, where was _hers_ and why did _they_ get the happy ending?

Most of her belongings had hit the far wall, some of them leaving rather considerable dents, and she almost threw what was in her other hand before realizing what it was and then she stopped screaming and just cried because there was the Samurai dressphere and it was all _him_ and when she used it she felt only and all closer to him than she'd ever really gotten the chance to be.

And it was good she was all alone on the airship, it had landed for the night outside Besaid and Tidus and Yunie had just had their wedding and she was happy for them and hoped they had a zillion blonde kids with two-colored eyes who grew up to be as golden hearted as their mom and as good blitzers as their dad but for her part she couldn't help feeling gypped.

Sure, Yunie had to save the world twice to get her happy ending, but she'd been there both times and she hadn't gotten so much as a consolation prize. Where was _her_ happy ending?

Why couldn't she let _him_ go?

And she was exhausted and cradling the Samurai dressphere like it was a baby and her tears were already dry and she hated the feeling of having just cried and she wanted nothing more than to curl into a ball and go to bed, but she knew if she did that, she'd wake up in the morning and congratulate Yunie some more and see happy people all around and she wasn't sure how much longer she could act happy too. And she knew that it would attract way too much attention if she was doing any less than hopping around like caffeinated Hypello because, unfortunately, her friends _knew her_.

But… maybe if she could have some time to be sad… some time to let go…

She reached under her bed and pulled out the beat-up pack she hadn't looked at in something like three years and started stuffing it with gear and synth items and her Godhand and a nearby Soldier Targe and just two dresspheres.

The Samurai and the Thief.

* * *

It took her a surprisingly short amount of time to get to the Moonflow from Besaid. That might have had something to do with the fact that she'd 'liberated' one of the experimental machina from the cargo bay. They'd retrieved it from the ruins of that sunken city in the Moonflow and it was supposed to travel over water.

She wasn't sure who had repaired it and was almost scared to think about it, but the thing seemed to work fine and it got her far, far away from Besaid and all the happy people there.

It took her three days to get to the Moonflow and by then rumors of her disappearing had started to spread, but most people just knew her as 'one of High Summoner Yuna's guardians', so she wasn't too worried about random pedestrians turning her in.

She camped on the banks and watch the pyreflies light the Moonflow and she chased them, trying to catch them, but it was no fun unless you had someone else with you, so she went to bed and then dug around in her pack for some spare Gil so she could ride the Shoopuff. She'd heard the story and made sure to wait until it was the Shoopuff with the scar that was loading up and she rode it with an old Crusader and a young woman with a crying baby, but she wasn't with them, she was under the water, three years ago, inside one of the clunky old machina that withstood water sometimes and was held together only by luck and happy thoughts.

And as soon as they stopped she was running off on the path toward Guadosalam and she found the one particular patch of reeds where she'd yelled at Tidus for beating her up and she'd met Yunie for really the first time and she'd stood in front of _him_ and was sure he'd yell at her or tell her to get lost when she opened her eyes and he saw she was Al Bhed (though he'd probably already known, because he knew _everything_), but instead he just grunted and said it was fine with him if Yuna was okay with it.

She remembered thinking that, for a Legendary Guardian, he looked kinda old.

And she broke off a reed and took it with her.

* * *

She went to Guadosalam next and remembered trying to teach Tidus the basics of synthing and giving up when he just gave her a completely blank stare.

And she went to the Farplane and sat in the place where she'd sat three years ago while the others went inside. _He'd_ stayed too, though she hadn't known why at the time. She'd asked him why he let her join them even though she was an Al Bhed and he said he couldn't care less what she was, she wanted to protect Yuna and that was all that mattered.

She'd told him he didn't sound much like a Legendary Guardian of the church of CRAZY and he told her she sounded exactly like a child and she said 'Hey!' and threw her red rubber ball at him and she hadn't expected him to _catch_ it and then _hit her between the eyes with it_ and she'd been so shocked that she hadn't been able to think of anything to say or do before Yunie and Co. came out and they brought Jyscal with them and that was just a _tad _distracting.

But she remembered thinking that was a rather undignified thing for a Legendary Guardian to do.

She chipped a bit of the stone ledge away with her claw and stashed it in her bag with the reed.

She passed Seymour's old mansion on the way out, but decided that it wasn't a memory worth revisiting.

Though she did have to fight back the urge to rub two Bomb Cores together and toss them through a temptingly open window before heading for the Thunderplains.

* * *

She remembered the first time she came here and almost abandoned the pilgrimage and then he'd said 'nice knowing you' in that _way_ he had that just made her hair stand all on end in a way that had nothing to do with the storm.

And she'd been so terrified she'd spent most of the time trailing him like a duckling, because he'd surely be able to fight off the lightning with just a glare and willpower if he had to because to her he was already all powerful and not even scared of lightning.

She came to the Travel Agency and remember standing at the entrance with Tidus and calling out after the rest of the departing party, but mostly after _him_ because she knew that, even if Yunie was the summoner, _he_ was the one who was really in charge.

And when he finally turned around she'd been _so_ relieved. And they'd stayed inside and the thunder didn't go away and he stood nearby while she hid under a table and told her that prolonging it was really all she was doing and she told him to shut up she was dealing with a very traumatic memory, _thankyouverymuch_. And he chuckled in that 'sure, of course' way and she proceeded to tell him exactly why lightning was so evil and for a while forgot all about the thunder. And maybe that had been his aim all along.

She remembered thinking that for a Legendary Guardian, he was really a big softie.

And she picked up the shiniest, smoothest pebble in the road and walked into the Travel Agency.

* * *

She knew it wouldn't be the same visiting Macalania, but it still hurt like getting punched in the gut when she saw the last shards of crystal trying very hard to be trees.

Rin had said Macalania would come back, as a real forest this time, but she didn't think anything would make her feel better about never again seeing the crystal or the lights that filtered in through the trees in so many pure colors.

Here they'd all been silent, in awe of the scenery or speechless from Yunie saying she'd marry stupid Seymour just to make Spira happy, it depended on who you asked. She herself had been a little bit of both and they'd all been surprised when _he_ had had them stop when they were nearly through.

They'd fought the fiend and she'd been shocked with lightning and of course she threw a fit about it, but they found Jecht's first sphere to Tidus and then started finding spheres everywhere and she got to see her Uncle Braska for the first time, not as a statue, but as a person.

And she remembered thinking it was weird for a Legendary Guardian to stop a pilgrimage for several hours just to look at some spheres, no matter who they were of.

And she scooped up one of the last bits of crystal and wrapped it carefully in a red ribbon before placing it with her other spoils.

* * *

The Travel Agency and Temple in Macalania could have both been the end for her all too easily, if not for him.

When Wakka found out she was an Al Bhed, so many things could have gone wrong. But _he_ stopped the argument and was on _her_ side even after her stupid Brother had attacked them all and _he_ used the machina because it was helpful and fast and then everyone was on her side but Wakka and he walked to the temple because he was a stupid meanie face who wouldn't ride a snowmobile.

But that was fine with her because she got to ride with _him_ and normally she would have been freezing riding a snowmobile through a frozen wasteland with just her ruffly shorts and the waterproof shirt she wore, but that man practically emanated heat.

They didn't really say anything through the whole ride, what with her concentrating on not running into a glacier and killing them both and him being the monosyllabic grunting type, but she didn't really feel like she had to fill the silence… and she couldn't really remember the last time she'd felt that way.

And she could have been shut down again at the temple, but the guards had no clue how to deal with a pro-Al Bhed Legendary Guardian, so they let her in anyway.

And she thought that there being a Legendary Guardian who was kind to Al Bhed was a little too good to be true.

She managed to find where they'd stashed the snowmobiles, out of sight of anyone from the temple who might see them and throw a hissy fit. She searched them and found a scrap of red cloth, snagged by a protruding piece of metal.

She heated it between her hands for a few moments, then stowed it in her pack.

* * *

She backtracked to her water-travelling machina, and by then most of Spira was a little curious about 'that one Al Bhed guardian Lady Yuna had that no one could find'.

To Bikanel she went, to the ruins of her old Home. She really didn't have any particular memories of _him_ to relive here, that trip had been mostly about destroying Tidus's hopes and dreams.

Still though, she dug her way through the rubble before finding herself in the Summoners' Sanctum.

She sat there for awhile, listening to the efforts to rebuild Home going on overhead. The rebuilding was coming along nicely, but it would still be at the very least a year before any Al Bhed could begin moving back.

She remembered that _he_'d stood next to her in the airship, saying nothing, but offering silent support that was somehow more comforting.

She took a piece of metal so twisted she couldn't even begin to guess its original purpose, and began her return journey to the surface.

* * *

She hated Bevelle, not just because of it being the center of Yevon and New Yevon, but also because of the endless cloisters beneath it that Yunie had just _had_ to go all the way through last year.

And all that had happened in Bevelle before that was wet and cold and zombie flying snake worms that wanted to eat her and Tidus and Wakka all mashed up and maybe spread on some tasty crackers. And then there was more creepy Seymour time and she was working really hard at repressing that.

So she went to the Calm Lands instead.

* * *

The Calm Lands had been all chocobos and warmth and sullen silence and _him_ pulling her aside and actually asking her pick up moral because this was just _ridiculous_ and she had been _so_ mad and she yelled at him that she couldn't be happy when someone as nice as Yunie still wanted to die for something as stupid as Spira and she threw a rock didn't even come close to hurting him _ofcourse_ and cried and he was quiet.

And then he put a giant hand on her shoulder and squeezed and she looked up at him and he down at her and she just knew he wasn't telling them something. He was keeping something in reserve, an ace in the hole, something that could change everything.

And the next day she was happiness and smiles and bouncing up and down until Wakka asked if she'd gotten into the coffee again because they all knew how well that had turned out _last time_. And then people were laughing again and she looked over to _him_ and he nodded and she knew she'd done right.

And she remembered wondering why she trusted him with that, why she only asked him five times what he was holding back instead of latching onto it never letting it go, as she would have with anyone else.

And she realized now that it was because she had begun to trust him.

Her prize from the Calm Lands was a fistful of chocobo feathers.

Even _he_ would have grinned at that.

* * *

Mt. Gagazet was next and she used the glyphs to transport her near the top because that's where the good stuff had gone down, short of Seymour's untimely appearance midway up the mountain, but she was still working on repressing that, so to the top it was.

And she remembered being so mad at him when they'd gotten out of that cave for being so cryptic and not letting them rest on the mountainside and forcing them to keep going and not even letting them stall Yunie's death a _little bit_.

But then they were standing at the top and looking down at Zanarkand and while everyone else was staring at the ruins of the massive city and Tidus was undoubtedly having some kind of flashback, she looked over at _him_ and his expression was so pained, like nothing but terrible memories were there.

And so she shuffled a little bit closer and maybe if she brushed his arm with a hand, what of it?

And she remembered being a little worried that he could make her stop being mad at him with no effort at all.

As she'd wanted to the first time she saw it, she climbed into the window of the closest building to the path and looted the apartment inside.

Treasure hunters had picked the place bare eons ago, but she managed to make off with a single earring that may have been treasure or garbage, she was too distracted to tell.

* * *

The tourists of Zanarkand made her wish she was as big and imposing as a Ronso so she could kick them all out and make them leave the city alone.

She didn't respect much, but too many people had died here or, as he would say 'too many stories ended here', to disturb them daily this way.

And she'd remembered being panicked and on the verge of tears the whole time and when Yunie descended to get the Final Aeon, she'd been just about to jump on him and demand answers and maybe shake him around some or zap him with a Lightning Marble for all the good it would have done. But then Yunie came back up and called them all down and he'd tensed so much he'd seemed even taller and she'd wondered what could possibly be wrong with him.

They'd heard the twisted tale of the Final Aeon and _finally_ Yunie began questioning her path of suicide and the whole time she'd fought the urge to turn to him and ask, 'Is this it?'

And it _was_ because they saw him in the throes of sorrow and helplessness as he'd been ten years ago. They saw Yunalesca strike him down in his righteous fury and they'd gone after the witch and she hadn't been able to help feeling vindictive, and not just because Yunalesca had kept this spiral of death going for a thousand years, but because she'd hurt _his_ _heart_.

And then she began to wonder if she was really falling in love with him.

She went into the furthest part of the dome and descended to the chamber of the fayth, prying a piece of the shattered glass around the fayth statue free. It cut her. She couldn't bring herself to care.

* * *

She found a commsphere outside and tapped it until the airship appeared in the sky.

She didn't answer Brother or Paine's questions, only saying sorry to Yunie and Tidus for ruining their newlywed bliss and she really meant it, but she knew they were all beyond worried because she hadn't smiled once since getting on the ship and only asked Brother to fly over the place where they'd fought Sin.

She stood on the deck of the air ship, freezing in her less-than-modest clothes, but she really should be used to it by now. When they got to the spot where everything had ended, she brought out all the things she'd gathered.

When Yunie had begun sending, and _he_ had started to disappear, she'd been so surprised. She'd wanted to scream when he told her cousin to continue, she wanted to yell 'Don't go!' until her voice gave out, but she'd been frozen and her breath had died in her throat and he turned to her and gave her one slow smile and she'd wondered if her hadn't loved her too, in his own way.

And then he'd disappeared.

And now she'd never know.

The reed.

The chip of stone.

The pebble.

She swallowed painfully.

The crystal.

The scrap of fabric.

The twisted piece of metal.

She wiped away tears.

The chocobo feathers.

The earring.

The bloodstained glass.

She'd laid them out before her, one by one, and watched them be swept up in the breeze.

And then she was doubled over on herself, crying _again_, but not the festered, bitter tears like before.

This was raw, unadulterated _pain_, because she'd been trying to say _goodbye_, but all she'd managed to do was make herself even more hopelessly lost because before she'd known it their stories had been intertwined together and when he'd disappeared, he'd taken a huge chunk of her _with him_.

And it had been a chunk she hadn't been quite ready to give up yet, but that was the funny thing about the world, things happened when they were supposed to happen, not necessarily when you were ready for them to. But she wondered why it could possibly have been supposed to happen if there was no way for a happy end.

"_Why_?" She whispered to the wind, her words being snatched away like the items she'd took so much pain to gather, her tears freezing on her cheeks, "I just want him _back_!"

She fell to her knees and pounded the deck with her fists and forearms and hung her head between her shoulders and screamed, "_Bring him back!_" at the top of her lungs.

She was shaking and tears leaked from her eyes, but she had no energy left even to sob and she hadn't the faintest idea what to _do _with herself after this. They brought Tidus back for Yunie. Was her love so much... less?

"_Ieyui…_"

The high, clear voice rang out. The unbroken, childish voice that could only belong to Bahamut and she could only think that life was too cruel and her mind had snapped just like the garment grid and was playing tricks on her.

She wouldn't look up, but if she had, she would have seen the sky begin to darken as a second voice joined the first in the all-too-familiar hymn.

"_Nobomenu..."_

This voice, which seemed to provide its own echo that stuck around to harmonize with the coming words and twined about her like a desert cat could only belong to Shiva and she squeezed her eyes more tightly together, finally dry as she ran out of tears.

"_Renmiri…_"

Valefor and Anima, she thought numbly, finally opening her eyes, just a sliver. She sat bolt upright when she realized it was dark, stupidly thinking 'someone put the sun out'. The pitch black sky lit all at once with pyreflies when a triad of female voices took up the song as well.

"_Yojuyogo…_"

Ifrit and Ixion, tenor and bass, joined in and the pyreflies swarmed towards the deck. They flew about as though they were a single sentient being, running through her braids like fingers, wrapping around her as though they could embrace her and lift her into the sky with them.

"_Hasatekanae…_"

There was Yojimbo and now all the fayth were singing. The song filled her to the brim until she felt she could hold no more of the pure, real emotion it poured into her heart. And the pyreflies began to gather before her, blustering and clustering into a space so small she felt it couldn't possibly hold them all but it did and more and they grew denser and denser until they began to take a familiar shape.

From the ground up, beginning with boots so scuffed it was hard to tell their original color and then becoming an impossible to mistake red hem. Up to a jug that held some as-of-yet-unidentified liquid that had always bugged Tidus, then came an arm, resting in a sling formed from jacket and belt.

Up, up, up to a back turned towards her and broad shoulders and a cowl that she knew hid half a handsome and scarred face and wire-rimmed glasses. Slightly unruly, dark, grey-streaked hair formed and he was standing in front of her, for the first time in _years_.

And she wondered if white magic couldn't do something about insanity.

"_Kutamae…_"

And the voice to end the Hymn was only Bahamut's, holding for a few seconds before fading away completely.

And she held her breath and he looked around as though confused and he turned to her, though she had yet to move.

"Rikku…"

And it was his gravelly, deep and unforgettable voice, saying her name in slight surprise and slight bafflement.

"…What are you _wearing_?"

And then she let out an ear-shattering cry and leapt at him and he caught her and he was spices and strong alcohol and sweat and blood and so one hundred percent, completely _Auron_ that she knew, just _knew_ that the fayth had come through one last time just for _her_, and her mind wasn't _completely _gone, though he'd probably argue that with her later, but she didn't _care_.

Because she _finally _had her happy ending.


End file.
